Want to Quit Smoking? Baby Dragons can help. They are as light and smooth in your hand as a real cigarette and release the distinct singed aroma smokers adore. For those who want to kick the habit discreetly, Baby Dragons know how to keep a secret; in fact, Baby Dragons epitomize stealth for two reasons—most people do not believe they exist, and they fit neatly in your pocket, giving off a wisp of smoke barely visible to the naked eye; which, by the way, if detected is quite alluring.
Best yet, Baby Dragons are a one time investment unlike patches, gums, sprays, electronic cigarettes and all other chemical laden gimmicks that must be re-bought. Baby Dragons are not part of the capitalistic system which offers products designed to keep you quitting and spending money. No, you won’t spend years and a small fortune quitting with Baby Dragons; with a Baby Dragon, you have already quit. I use the past tense because Baby Dragons are legend and they will use their primordial energy to return you to your former, non-smoking self.
Baby Dragons are also feudal. But does feudal really help, you ask? You bet! With a Baby Dragon in your breast pocket, it is futile to be anything but committed to your sacrifice, because Baby Dragons do not sleep and the jade ones have the power to read minds. It is impossible to get even a taste of your old temptress nicotine without catching the burning end of your cigarette in the deep reflection of their amber eyes. And then, let’s just say, I would not want to be you, my friend.
Furthermore, recent research shows that Baby Dragons make it nearly impossible to smoke for another reason— they will chew your lips off if they catch you smoking; and, according to the 2010 Surgeon General’s Report, it is practically impossible to smoke without lips, pleasantly anyway.
So order your Baby Dragon TODAY, it is so easy even a baby smoker could do it. Simply write “I Quit” on sheep-skin vellum in virgin blood, bury under a willow tree on the left side of a crystal lake with a supermoon rising in Leo. Include 3 pounds of gold for a bronze-colored dragon or four pounds of gold for a mind reading, jade-colored dragon. Then sit back and breathe the fresh air that is pumped your way by their tiny wings beating across the stuff of dreams.
Disclaimer: Baby Dragons are all natural and nontoxic. They are not suitable for people with a fear of flying, immortal reptiles. Never handle a sword or engage in dramatized medieval acts of chivalry in their presence. In less than 5% of cases, Baby Dragons have caused unpleasant side effects like uncontrollable sweats and tremors. In less than 1% of cases, Baby Dragons have caused harmful side effects such as third degree burns, the destruction of property and villages, and accidental death. All other claims against Baby Dragons have been unsubstantiated and unproven in a court of law. We are not liable for any unintended consequences of your Baby Dragon.
Photo courtesy of Flickr